Move over, Bruce Jenner!

In a bold move of manliness and sheer stupidity, I decided it was time to get my butt back in shape, burn off some Fraziskaners and Schnitzels, and "Get Speedo Ready" as I planned a few months ago.

So it's July in MN (as well as the rest of the world), the time when humidity start running about the same as the temperature every day. The perfect time to punish myself and prove I can do anything I set my mind to, right? After all, the loop is only a 5k loop - no problem. It's only been a year since I ran (and a whopping 3x last year).

I'm doin' it!

Here's about how it turned out:


That's right, y'all - I'm shopping for a pair of those rockin' checkered shorts to go with my black socks. Yeah baby!

Ok, so it was kind of a trainwreck.
The sun was horrendous, and I had to chew the air to find any oxygen.
My knees started screaming 3 steps into it.
It was horrible.
It hurt.
Bad.
My lungs seized up on me.
My spit resembled Elmer's Glue.
I started blacking out in the glaring sun.
My legs went numb(thankfully, so the pain would stop).
I started calling out to dead relatives, and Elvis.

And people think this is fun?
Delirious freaks, they are.

But I finished, and I did it in ~30 minutes. Not too bad considering I had 3 stretches of walking factored in there. I figure if I could've ran the whole thing, I would've finished in 24-25 minutes, meaning a 7.5-8 minute/mile pace. Not a bad start.

So if you find yourself driving through Minneapolis' Metro Suburbia and see a guy who looks like this, just wave and holler "Push through it, Wildman!" and I promise I'll give you a big thumbs-up and hawk an Elmer's Glue loogie your way.


So, I guess I that officially makes me a runner now.

Move over, Bruce Jenner...move over and make room for me on the couch, pass the Doritos, and grab the remote.